“I made a big communication mistake recently…
And I know better…
Yet it still slipped out!
Most people say this word, without knowing how damaging it can be.
And how much it can impact their loved ones.
So, keep reading – for more effective communication tips!
I taught at an elite private school.
The students there tested and scored higher than the top Ivy-league private schools!
The school had a strict policy about keeping grades above 80%.
Anything less was considered failing!
I had many bright students, and they all knew what was expected.
Yet towards the end of the school year, even the best of my students worked a little less in class…
One day, a worried mother came to talk to me in the classroom…
Her son was one of my top-performing students.
“Aarav got a 79% on his geography test! What can I do? I don’t want his grades to impact his ability to get into a good college!”
I laughed inwardly.
Because I was teaching first grade.
Have you ever heard of a college recruiter looking at elementary school grades?
Yet here she was concerned – that her son could be falling behind.
I assured her that Aarav was just getting a little more social in class and that this one test score would not impact his overall grade.
I then expressed my confidence that he would still be able to get into Harvard.
Because we had such high academic standards, some parents got stressed out over even small movements in their children’s grades.
After all, they were paying top dollar for the best quality education!
In times of stress, I’m sure this little word has slipped out…
Yet it is one of the Most Damaging Words in The English Language
“You did great on this test, BUT you missed this one.”
Maybe you’ve said it too?
“Thanks for the compliment, but my hair is a mess.”
I recently said the worst one…
“I love you, but…”
And I was called out.
I am grateful I was…
Because this word always cancels, what came before it…
BUT is a Disclaimer Word.
Notice how when “but” is added, our brains only seem to notice what comes after the word, “but…”
And the “but” usually attaches a negative onto a positive statement.
In math, they say – a negative and a positive cancel each other out…
Yet, in communication, the result is even worse!
If the person you are talking to only notices this negative, it actually cancels the positive – and becomes a negative experience for them.
Leaving the person feeling put down.
While negations have a very helpful role in logically organizing information and thought, they have no place in your personal relationships.
So, let’s avoid placing disclaimers on our compliments, and our love…
What’s The Best Replacement For the Word BUT?
The best replacement for “but” is usually “and…” or “yet…”
“You did a great job, yet you missed one!”
“I love you, and I disagree with you…”
Does it feel different to read?
And you don’t even have to understand how it works, to notice – that it has a more positive impact on you.
Notice how others respond to you – when you choose a different word.
Then notice how they respond to you – when you switch up the word order.
Because changing one word really can make a difference for you!
As advertisers and marketers, we test ads for the best words…
To see how each word impacts our audience.
And certain words do a lot better in every test we do!
The next time “BUT” comes to mind, think of a different word to replace it.
Or play with the word order – to see if it changes how you feel!
“You missed this one, but you did great on the test!” Vs. “You did great on the test, but you missed one!”
How will more effective communication – improve your life?
We would love to hear how this improves your relationships, even your relationship with yourself!
Giving You better word choices is the gift – we’d like to give to you.
If you are open to it?
You’ll get better results in your relationships and business when we present your message – in the most positive, present, and personal way possible!
And if you are writing stories, ads, or posts online – you’ll naturally get better results by learning how to apply these valuable principles in your presentation.
It could even save your business! Or your marriage…
Because When You Change Your Words – You Change Your Life!