I came across an amazing story a few days ago…
A man is interviewing a candidate for a job on Zoom.
The interview is not going well.
It’s loud in the background – people are talking and it’s distracting…
It’s very unprofessional.
And the man being interviewed notices things aren’t going well, so he becomes even more withdrawn…
He even begins to stutter.
His presentation is falling apart… and he does even worse…
Then, the tone changes.
The man is given a second chance.
All because the interviewer had the courage to be direct.
And what happened next – brought tears to my eyes…
It’s Always More Kind to Be Direct
Some of us grow up thinking it’s more polite to keep silent instead of addressing the problem the moment we see it.
Yet It’s Always More Kind to Be Direct
We’ve all seen – expressions of anger instead of calm helpful conversation.
Yet many challenges are easy to fix if you are willing to talk about them when they happen.
Effective communication takes practice to master.
When most people feel frustrated, they…
1. Get angry and fight, or
2. Shut down in silence as the resentment builds
Which usually creates an even bigger challenge and pattern…
They bottle up their feelings and the resentment builds up until they explode!
When we are direct, we invite others to find better solutions.
We just need helpful examples to show us…
How to communicate clearly to get better results.
Cory is German. Germans are direct.
If you ask, “Do I look fat in this dress?”
You’d better expect an honest answer. Beating around the bush with polite conversation – isn’t the German way.
Some say this is because their language has fewer words than English, and their words have more literal meanings, so culturally, they just don’t understand how to “soften” their opinions or tell socially acceptable “white lies.”
Some Americans think this is “rude.”
Cory’s other half of the family is from New York – also known for directness bordering on rudeness. (Think Trump).
Cory is great at clear communication – because he is direct.
His confidence is contagious.
And one thing he teaches is – you must be clear about what you want.
Cory likes to ask, “How may I support you?”
And this invites others to be clear about what they want.
You may like to ask this question – it’s a great way to bond, to discuss chores, and goals and dreams.
Now, you may be wondering what did the interviewer say that changed everything?
This story, (adapted from internet sources) will give you another example of how to…
Express Your Concerns In A Thoughtful Way
Just as the applicant was about to be tossed in the “throwaway” pile, the interviewer made one last comment.
It was a courageous thing to say.
It’s a great example of how to express your concerns in the future.
He told the man, “You know, I wasn’t impressed with the interview today, because I expected you to be more professional.”
He really said it!
He was clear about what he expected, and how his expectations were not met.
This gave the applicant another chance!
The man broke down in tears, as he explained what happened…
“I am sorry. My family has nowhere to go. I know the background noise is distracting. I have been unemployed for 3 years, so we live in a tiny apartment.”
Hearing his story, brought compassion. He got another chance to show his best self and got the job right on the spot!
That’s when the interviewer heard the noise in the background – getting louder as his family was crying and cheering!
As I read the story, I couldn’t help but notice…
How This Direct Approach Invites Authenticity from Others
What if I was giving the interview, would I have moved on to the next applicant?
It’s uncomfortable to say – “I wasn’t impressed because…”?
And I would have missed the real story here.
Aren’t we ALL less than our best in stressful situations?
I was not at my best…
After my son died…
Because of financial worries…
And lack of sleep…
Yet I was able to make a difference to everyone around me when I asked for things I needed and supported others in getting what they wanted.
And when we say it this way, it is kind.
Because it builds the relationship.
Did you see his pattern?
“When You… I felt… (or thought…)”
No accusations. Just Direct Kindness.
“When you forget to wipe your feet right after I mop the floor, I felt like you didn’t value my efforts.”
“When you require all of these reports and meetings, I feel like I don’t have time to do the other important tasks you give me…”
“When you weren’t home on time, I thought you forgot about our date night and it just wasn’t important to you.”
When we communicate our expectations in a direct, yet kind way – we can create a plan to move forward together.
“How may I support you with this?”
“When You… I felt… (or thought…)”
I’d love to hear how this works for you! Send Us a Message!
Joni Molloy – President at Effective Advertising & Creator of The UPLEVEL Masterclass
Parent, politician or salesman – if you’d like to see how the best connect with your audience – you’ll absolutely love Our Leadership Training – the UPLEVEL Masterclass.
We typically think, speak and write at the level of our parents, teachers and friends we grow up with. What if the best of them – only speak at a 4 or 6 out of 10?
If this is all you have ever seen – how are you ever going to be a 10/10 in sales, advertising and communication?
We ALL DO the best we can with what we know.
UPLEVEL is about showing you How the Best Do It – So You Can Too!
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