How Often Do You Lie?
Because most Americans lie every day!
Does this stat seem high to you?
While most people see themselves as honest, there is a strong human desire to seek the approval of others – so most of us tell the occasional lie.
While you may only tell “white” lies, everyone “omits the truth” sometimes.
What Kind of Lies Do You Tell?
98% of teenagers feel that lying is morally wrong. They even say that trust and honesty are essential in their personal relationships.
Yet 98% of teens also say, “I Lie To My Parents!”
81% of Americans tell white lies every day.
75% of students actually admit to being “Serial Liars” when it comes to saving money or getting jobs.
68% of women lie about their weight on their driver’s license.
65% of adults think it is (sometimes even often) ok to lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
Only 17% of men and women in the 18-24 age range would reveal having an STD to a sexual partner.
Only 11% of adults 18-24 would reveal their unfaithfulness to a lover.
Dr. Michael Lewis says, “In a single day, most people lie a minimum of 25 times!”
The Institute of Ethics says, “Seven in 10 students surveyed admitted cheating on a test at least once in the past year.”
How Do You Spot a Liar?
Because most of us are not very good at spotting the lies people tell.
If you’d like to become highly skilled at spotting a liar – you need to develop the talent of noticing and correctly reading: subtle body language changes, vocal tones, tense, word choices, and brief facial cues called “Micro-expressions.”
A micro-expression is the term created by the famous psychologist, Paul Eckman whose research and real-life stories inspired the “Lie to Me” series. (The TV Series introduces this topic in a fun way).
Micro-expressions are small, unconscious leaks of concealed emotion.
If you ever try to hide how you really feel from someone – by pretending to be happy or sad when it’s not how you really feel, chances are some of the real feelings will still leak through in your face.
These small “tells” show up on your face for less than half a second.
Robert Feldman, the author of The Liar In Your Life says, “It’s very hard to tell when someone is lying… some indicators of deception, like facial and body language, could merely be signs of anxiety or nervousness that have nothing to do with lying.”
So, it’s really hard for most people to spot a liar!
While some professionals like secret service agents have been trained to spot the face of aggression on a single person in a large crowd…
Without training most of us won’t even notice.
Yet some people seem to have the natural ability to spot a liar without any training.
Who are these naturally gifted people?
It’s those who have high emotional intelligence – because their survival has depended on their ability to read people!
Think about it…
People who live on the streets MUST read people quickly…
Children who are abused MUST respond quickly to situations…
Criminals MUST read people well, to see if you believe their lies…
Criminals, abused children, and highly trained professionals – are able to read your expressions accurately over 80% of the time.
Yet the professionals you might expect to be good at reading people – like judges, cops, and social workers – on average were found to detect deception at a 54% rate.
Unless you’ve been forced to learn emotional intelligence for survival, you’ll probably spend lots of time – studying tutorials, practicing, and watching people to learn how to read people at a high level.
So, the next time you feel like someone is lying to you, it’s better to ask more questions before rushing to judgment.
What’s the #1 thing you can do to improve your ability to read people?
Notice their patterns!
For body-language experts this is called, establishing a baseline.
A baseline is someone’s normal pattern of behavior –
For example, because I spent a lot of time on the streets growing up, I don’t use many gestures when I talk. This is common in abused children, criminals, and other people who have experienced survival situations growing up.
Yet, my father-in-law is very expressive when he talks. He definitely “Talks with his hands.”
This is his baseline.
His baseline is the opposite of my baseline.
If he tried to conceal something, the extra concentration required to tell a lie would probably change his normal hand gesture pattern.
When people hide an emotion, tell a lie, or are non-authentic in any way, they will deviate from their normal patterns and if you watch closely, you’ll find incongruencies, and other little “tells” in their body-language, vocal tones, and word choices.
So, the best thing to do – is to watch and listen for incongruencies of any kind.
When you see them, ask, “What could it mean?”
Deviations don’t always mean someone is lying – it can just mean they are hiding their true feelings about something.
Like when a speaker tries to cover up their nervousness when they are in front of a crowd.
So, if you want people to trust you when you speak in public – it’s a good idea to practice as much as you need until you become comfortable presenting.
Because if you leak the emotions you are trying to conceal, you’ll be trusted less.
While emotional intelligence isn’t easy to learn – with practice, you can become good at it.
The #1 Mistake People Make – When They First Learn Body Language
We often simplify things – this is great because this is how our brain keeps things organized!
Yet, for spotting a liar, we don’t want to over generalize…
And make false accusations based on a misjudgment!
For example – I mentioned how I don’t use gestures. This is common for criminals or abused children.
People who show their hands more – are more trusted!
Yet just because someone doesn’t use a lot of gestures doesn’t mean they are lying, or they are criminal.
We all use less gestures when we feel less safe…
When we’re nervous…
When we’re tense…
When we’re lying…
Yet, if you don’t know my normal behavior, you won’t be able to tell what “less gestures” means, will you?
So, it’s important for you to – apply what you learn correctly and ask questions.
The Best Trainings – To Spot a Liar!
We love to watch The Behavioral Panel –
Because it’s a great way to get FREE training on YouTube.
Also, the 4 Behavioral Panel Experts – come from different kinds of body-language trainings:
- 2 Military Interrogation Experts (Like my Dad)
- A Public Speaking and Presentation Expert
- A Neuroscientist Who Teaches About Persuasion
Their YouTube channel is excellent because they watch famous interviews together for signs of deception – yet they always do their homework before they share their thoughts with us.
They will often spend hours watching previous video footage of the celebrity to get familiar with the person’s normal baseline behavior. Then when they notice deviations, they can be very accurate with their insight on who’s telling the truth in the interview.
Yet sometimes even these talented experts disagree!
As they do when they analyze Oprah Winfrey’s Interview of Prince Harry and Meghan:
They do get technical, yet they are my favorites to watch –
If you prefer a more energetic and FUN style of training, we recommend Vanessa Van Edwards – The Science of People Lie Detection Training.
Yet if you want to learn from the man who is the research source of what I know on this topic:
Visit Dr. Paul Eckman’s website – because he’s the co-founder of micro-expressions and he also put together a fantastic educational course.
Cory Molloy is the Creative Director at Effective Advertising. He is an industry leader with subliminal messaging, conversational hypnosis, direct marketing, PR, spin, propaganda and persuasion.
His results are in the top 1% of what’s possible – by combining the memorable language patterns of NLP with the most powerful, positive, present and personal words in advertising.
See what changes for you when you begin to sprinkle your conversations and messaging with his special blend of magical words, powerful questions and rhythmic phrases.
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